I’ve been busy with too many things so that I can actually
get things rolling correctly. It’s funny, and not, that I have lost track of
time and I had to check if it was still Thursday. Because of all the sacrifices that I’ve made
just to make both ends meet, delaying self-gratification and other pursuits, I
can say, I’m struggling. I haven’t felt this way since when but I’ve never felt
it run this long.
Some days I go hungry, lately I feel like I’ve been lacking
so much. Some days I feel lonely. And other days, very lonely.
On a discussion with a close friend on the way home we were
analyzing how amazing God’s grace and love has been upon us, even when we had
to share a stick of banana q when we had nothing but enough to buy one, without
the conviction of turning to God during those days. God has been very good to
me even when I did not spend time for Him when I was doing very well back in my
old profession.
I admit I do miss the days when I’ve had my hands filled. Money
to buy the things I want without blinking an eye, to enjoy dining in different
places, those little adventures which I wasn’t too fond of, the gaps of my hand
filled with caring hands, sweet nothings whispered and whispered to, and all
the other fun stuff. It’s when to have felt, tasted, and experienced, then
taken away, is yearned. But all that is nothing. The superficial, regardless of
its temporal attributes, are nothing. All that I have had was nothing, because
I did not involve God.
It is a great reminder that God is always there through
thick and thin. No matter if He was in the center or not. And as a father to
child, this season is another season of learning. I can say now that I am, more,
closer to Him because I’ve realized that I am truly nothing without Jesus. But Father,
I pray that the hunger I have, be it for food, for that apartment and art
studio, that car, the gadgets, not just a girlfriend but a wife, a comfortable
life, a stronger relationship with You, and all that I can ask or imagine, be
filled. And may whatever plans I am working on be aligned to Your will. So with
everyone who may have browsed through this post.
The challenge is to lively, like that treat I had myself with some friends:)
God bless
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